I'm so proud! Our son has officially graduated high school! I was over come by the joy I felt. It was intermingled with a tad bit of relief. I won't lie, I could have done a cartwheel! All too soon he will be moving on to bigger and better things!
Unfortunately, not every parent of a high school senior will be celebrating this year.
Let's be honest. Many of us have faced challenges in getting our children through high school can be challenging and frustrating. Our precious little babes have grown into emotional creatures who've developed their own personalities and styles. Yikes, it can be scary! At the same time, it can be extremely rewarding to see your child walk across that stage when receiving their diploma.
Say what? I was absolutely shocked to find out how many children weren't graduating at all this year or were graduating late from my sons high school. Keep in mind we live in a community of just under 50,000 residents where 68% are white, over 85% are High School Graduates and the average median household income *at this school* ranges from $50,000 to $85,000. This same school is also a college preparatory school. Per information received from a school counselor at my son's high school, the number of children not graduating was over 30 from a class of 180 students. That's 30 children that are going to really struggle through life until they figure out they need that diploma. It's hard enough to get a decent job today even with a diploma. Just try to get a decent job without one! They are saying in the job market currently 1 in 4 people are fighting for the same job. I believe it! Especially, when my son went out applying for jobs and was told they had so many applicants they weren't sure when they'd get to his application. This year alone, nearly everyone I spoke with that had a family member looking for a job (all ages) said they had been applying for over 6 months before they finally were offered a position. This is just the Entry level positions! Positions higher up have waited close to or over a full year! When they finally were offered positions, they were offered positions that with an extreme drop in pay grade, Ouch!
I'm sorry... I'm getting off topic. I was flabbergasted when the counselor said the number one reason kids weren't graduating lately was that either the child, parent or both were apathetic. They also noticed, in the last few years, that another leading cause was due to parents being too busy or simply refusing to take interest. Hearing this made me so sad. Sad for the child who quits because they don't have that support system behind them. To me this is a clear case of gross neglect. Who willingly sets up their children to fail in life? I know there are people out there who have accomplished so much and have become rich that didn't graduate. But... the slim few that "made it", at some point, did go back and got more education or a G.E.D., in the least. Besides, the reality of not graduating and still becoming rich is extremely low.
Let's face it getting any child through school nowadays can be so challenging.We simply have different Social issues, Social pressures and a huge change in thinking. Which brings me to another point the counselor made. They said the kids nowadays have such a sense of entitlement. Many of today's teens felt that if they at least showed up to school occasionally they should be allowed to graduate. Or if they did a few assignments here and there, THEN they should be able to graduate. There seems to be a lack of self motivation and accountability going on. Unfortunately, it's hit some extremes in way too many of toady's teens. My cousins daughter, who recently graduated and is heading off to college, pointed out how frustrating it could be for her to find friends or people she wanted to hang out with because so many of her schoolmates lacked in self-accountability or motivation. She also complained that many of them didn't care to better their current situations and they were in no rush to leave "Mommy and Daddy's house". Why should they be? The rent, food and cell phones are FREE, not to mention everything else. Apparently, it's "hassle free enough" to deal with any occasional arguments they may have to tolerate with their parents.
I'm a parent who has had to deal with a child that has had some learning disabilities. I can relate to the anxiety and frustrations. In our case, the doctor warned about causes and potential signs and symptoms from something that happened to our son as a baby. Unfortunately, he did face many of them. As parents, even though we knew it was one of main reasons our son struggled, we still dealt with unbelievable amounts of stress, frustration and anxiety. This is true especially the older our son became.
WE tried everything! Punishment, threats, bribes, Deals, taking away games and tv, pleading, rewards, more rewards, etc. They all worked for a time but then soon we'd be back in the same spot. We faced so many ups and downs. We realized we could instill in him the tools to succeed but to become this person he would have to, eventually, make himself accountable and care about his future. We had inspiring talks, hopeful talks, painful talks and casual talks. I can't tell you how many times we did this. Sometimes, you could almost see a flicker in his eyes and other times it felt as though we were talking to a wall. We made sure he knew that we were behind him and supported him through thick and thin but he needed to make the changes. To make true change, takes tremendous courage. We explained the path to success was hard work, courage, self motivation, adaptability and pushing past the obstacles. We had talks on too many occasions to count but we knew one day it would make a difference. It may have felt like the millionth time, but we continued to pushed onward for his sake. We wanted him to become a decent human being who, in some measure, was a success, cared for himself and others.
I remember, one time, he even said "Mom this is not your fault that I'm in the predicament I put myself in. I could see you blaming yourself IF you were a crappy parent who was too busy to care. Or if you didn't push me and make me accountable. But you have and You've done all you can do. Now I have to figure out how to motivate myself and get my stuff done." I remember the first time he told me that I almost didn't believe what I was hearing. That is when I knew all the stress, speeches, anxiety, frustration, tears and love were worth it. I was 100% positive that he heard me all those times and it INDEED took root in his head. This was also the first time, I was able to look at him and see his adult self really shaping and taking root.
I reminded him often that failure was not an option because we both knew if he pushed himself just a little bit more his chances of success were Great. I also often reminded him, "I'm the type of parent that's going to make sure you reach your goals. Even if I have to stand behind you the whole way kicking you in the behind or lighting a fire under you and chasing you the whole way". I knew part of his issue was a lack of concentration and forgetfulness but I also knew he could do it because so many others face worse challenges and they succeed.
Have you ever noticed? Most that are successful have already learned how to self-motivate and have already become accountable. I've found most successful people will say a huge part of their success was due to having a strong support system filled with plenty of encouragement.
All I know... is that my family, I will hold true and strong to this belief. No matter the problem or issue, I will always encourage them, be there for them, and will try to remind them of their strengths. I also will be sure to always be there when they need a hug. It really is too bad so many are caught up in a busy life or have become so discouraged that they've given up on their children.
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